For my sixteenth birthday, I wasn't expecting a car or any of the rich kid garbage. I wasn't expecting a surprise party with all of my friends there or anything, and I definitely wasn't expecting what my mom managed to buy me. That morning, nobody said a word to me, no
"Happy Birthday", nothin'. Since the special day is on Valentine's Day, I assumed everyone just forgot. Yeah, they probably just all forgot. There were red roses on the table, because whoever bought them had no idea that $39.95 was ridiculous for some plain old roses. They were almost dead too. The moron who bought them probably had nothing else to give when they woke up in the morning and realized what day it was. I bet whoever saw them got a real bang out of 'em though. So the rest of the day I don't remember so hot. Everything's sorta fuzzy mixed in with other birthdays and all. So I'll just tell what I remember best.
I remember my mom handing me this present, a tiny present. Most likely some lousy jewelry, I thought, and a card. The card was one of those special ones where it said not only "Happy Valentine's Day" but "Happy Birthday" as well. We talked for like and hour about how hard it was to find that type of card. How my mom looked all over. She was so proud, but I didn't mind. I was glad she was happy.
So finally I got around to opening the small present. I remember it was wrapped in that shiny paper that actually made your eyes sort of hurt if you looked at it for too long. I remember slowly peeling off the tape so that I didn't rip the pretty paper. And then I saw it. Nestled in that annoying white fuzzy stuff they put in the boxes that hold the nice jewelry. A beautiful diamond ring. But before I could even touch it, I didn't even get to try it on, my mom grabbed it out of my hands and explained to me that it was a real diamond, like a wedding-ring-expensive diamond. She kept talking to me about responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.
I couldn't stop staring at it though. It was a silver tone, but it was really "white gold". I don't understand how they can call it white gold if it's silver-looking. I just don't understand things like that. One either side, it had three hearts cut out of the band which made it special for my birthday because it was Valentine's Day. And most of all, it sparkled like no other. I always wondered if the sun hit it just right if it would shine all the way into outer space. It probably would. This diamond shined more than I can even tell you. But like my mother said, with the ring came responsibility. Like if I took that Goddamn ring off, I had better know damn sure where it was at all times. Mom always said that I would lose my head if it wasn't attached. It makes me wonder why she got me a nice diamond for being sixteen.
But it wasn't all about that type of responsibility. It was about growing up. Sixteen was a big deal. I even got my big bad permit. Every single time I had to make a helluva decision, like peer pressure decisions, I looked down at that ring, sparkling away, and thought about the consequences. The ring fit me just right, which I was happy about because I didn't have to keep spinning it around with my other fingers. If it were a bit wider, I could probably have seen my reflection in it. Not a mirror-type reflection, but a reflection like the kind you see in water.
Best of all, it was real. This wasn't a ring that would turn your finger green or one that would chip and never be the same again. No, this was a real diamond ring, and this one came with responsibility. Personally, even though I adore that ring, I don't believe it was such a good idea for a present for me, since I am pretty forgetful. Maybe my mom though it would change that. I'm not sure. I know that she was trusting me though, and I knew I would never lose this damn ring.
When I had a bad day, I would look down and see the shimmering diamond and remember to be positive. it would remind me of my mother's new trust for me and all of my new responsibilities as a young adult.
You know what? I still wear my diamond ring too, and its almost a full two years later. It still reminds me of my future, and its flashy sparkle still makes me smile when I am blue. I still get a real bang out of people's reactions when I tell them its a real diamond. And I get a bang out of feeling like a responsible young woman too.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
"Courage is one step ahead of fear."
This quote by Coleman Young is not only very controversial, but is supported greatly by the memoir In My Hands by Irene Gut Opdyke. In the memoir, Irene is constantly fearful of being separated from her family, and she even holds with her the fear of losing her life. Irene lives in a very difficult time of war and all of the circumstances are unclear to her. The Germans are after the Jews and Irene sees many of them slaughtered one day at her Job working in a kitchen at a factory for the Germans. From that point on, she realizes that she is better off than many other people. She is well fed, has a place to sleep at night, and is not forced to slave away for fear of being shot.
Although Irene has been through quite a bit up to this point, she makes it a point to begin making a difference. Even the slightest difference is a difference. She begins courageously hiding food under a fence at a ghetto camp for the Jews. Although she is risking her life, because as Schulz, Irene's boss said, "Bad things happen to Jew-lovers. Do you understand me? Very bad"(103).
So why does Irene risk her life when she is so fearful that what she is doing could lead to her death? The answer is the quote, "courage is one step ahead of fear". Being a helpless young girl, and fearing that each of her kind acts toward those Jews suffering in the camps would lead to her death, was nothing compared to her courage. Irene's courage took over all of her fears, including her lingering thought that she was only a girl, and there was not much she could do to help.
And courage is not only with Irene in this memoir. No, courage conquers fear in almost all of the characters. In Schultz who is kind to Irene, and even takes her out to buy a pair of boots so that she can walk to work. He lets Irene's sister Janina help out in the kitchen when she loses her job. Courage is with all of the Jews as they conquer their fear of dying, and hold on to their lives. It is with them when they work, when they see others die right before their eyes for not working, when they wake up in the morning, and when they rest at night.
Courage is very important to all of the characters in In My Hands, even including the Germans. Is courage always one step ahead of fear though? Probably not. This is where the quote is controversial. The memoir does show, though, that when courage is one step ahead of fear, great things can be accomplished.
This quote by Coleman Young is not only very controversial, but is supported greatly by the memoir In My Hands by Irene Gut Opdyke. In the memoir, Irene is constantly fearful of being separated from her family, and she even holds with her the fear of losing her life. Irene lives in a very difficult time of war and all of the circumstances are unclear to her. The Germans are after the Jews and Irene sees many of them slaughtered one day at her Job working in a kitchen at a factory for the Germans. From that point on, she realizes that she is better off than many other people. She is well fed, has a place to sleep at night, and is not forced to slave away for fear of being shot.
Although Irene has been through quite a bit up to this point, she makes it a point to begin making a difference. Even the slightest difference is a difference. She begins courageously hiding food under a fence at a ghetto camp for the Jews. Although she is risking her life, because as Schulz, Irene's boss said, "Bad things happen to Jew-lovers. Do you understand me? Very bad"(103).
So why does Irene risk her life when she is so fearful that what she is doing could lead to her death? The answer is the quote, "courage is one step ahead of fear". Being a helpless young girl, and fearing that each of her kind acts toward those Jews suffering in the camps would lead to her death, was nothing compared to her courage. Irene's courage took over all of her fears, including her lingering thought that she was only a girl, and there was not much she could do to help.
And courage is not only with Irene in this memoir. No, courage conquers fear in almost all of the characters. In Schultz who is kind to Irene, and even takes her out to buy a pair of boots so that she can walk to work. He lets Irene's sister Janina help out in the kitchen when she loses her job. Courage is with all of the Jews as they conquer their fear of dying, and hold on to their lives. It is with them when they work, when they see others die right before their eyes for not working, when they wake up in the morning, and when they rest at night.
Courage is very important to all of the characters in In My Hands, even including the Germans. Is courage always one step ahead of fear though? Probably not. This is where the quote is controversial. The memoir does show, though, that when courage is one step ahead of fear, great things can be accomplished.
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